It hides your ugly face. Put one on your kids, for they are ugly too. Is their father ugly? He should wear a mask, also. Your dog is fine, though. As is your baby kangaroo. Now, if we can only figure out a way to cover up the rest of your physical grossness. Have you …
It astounds me that people believe billionaires are not screwing with us. Socially, politically, economically. That’s just a conspiracy theory, they retort. I don’t believe any of that.
Earnest Hemingway, that’s the guy. I can never remember his name, so I thought I would write it down here so I can look it up easily when I need it. When I am at social events, I often get mid-anecdote, especially when I have been drinking, like I do whenever air is mostly nitrogen, …
It’s 2am, the whiskey is nearly gone, and I have been posting comments on YouTube. Do you know where your children are? Ah, man, that’s a really shitty segue; even worse than the two wheeled vehicles. It’s intended as a throwback to a 1990s PSA, but here it seems like a creepy threat. After the …
When I was younger, I could hold my breath for several minutes, like four or five. Now that I am older, I can only hold my breath for about 20 seconds. Honestly, though, I could probably hold it longer if I didn’t have to stop to hurl insults at everyone and everything. —DG.
Inside Doug's Head 