Inside Doug's Head

I am not a number, I am… What's that stuff they make glue out of? I'm that. Forever swirling, forwards and upwards, but always sticky. Sometimes, a little sad.

It’s 2am, the whiskey is nearly gone, and I have been posting comments on YouTube. Do you know where your children are? Ah, man, that’s a really shitty segue; even worse than the two wheeled vehicles. It’s intended as a throwback to a 1990s PSA, but here it seems like a creepy threat. After the …

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When I was younger, I could hold my breath for several minutes, like four or five. Now that I am older, I can only hold my breath for about 20 seconds. Honestly, though, I could probably hold it longer if I didn’t have to stop to hurl insults at everyone and everything. —DG.