After they said that, I took a deep breath and tried really hard not to speak as I exhaled.
“So, you’re from New Zealand and you’re making fun of my Canadian accent? You, the people who leaned English while you were banging your sheep? Have you ever heard a Chinese speaking Engrish? You should make fun of them; they’re way out there, man. Low hanging comedic fruit, no need to go all Dennis Miller floating in a canoe down Niagara Falls. Ahh! Ping pong! Harry Kim have egg roll for penis and wontons for testicles! It writes itself; no intellect or AI required.
“No, really, there must be like six or seven countries in the world, including Georgia and Texas, that speak English with weird accents, and you are choosing to mock my ‘about’?
“As a wee child, I learned to fight by watching Hockey Night in Canada, and you aren’t wearing any protection. Especially in the groin area. If you’re not careful, I might pull your shirt over your head and throw ice in your eyes.”
A Canadian’s politeness belies their deep seated hostility and rage. With the flattened vowels, it might be difficult for you to understand: It’s pronounced sorrry, but it’s spelled fuck you.
—DG
Inside Doug's Head 