Inside Doug's Head

I am not a number, I am… What's that stuff they make glue out of? I'm that. Forever swirling, forwards and upwards, but always sticky. Sometimes, a little sad.

Bill Gates has been buying vast quantities of US farm land. Not too much land for an evil billionaire, but more than Jeffrey Epstein would purchase. Bill Gates is also cheering the youths for protesting against eating meat from traditional agricultural sources, instead of encouraging them to stay in school and don’t do drugs. Coincidentally, he’s also been burning down food processing facilities. The pyro!

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You put hours into recording your content. You wrote a script, put on makeup, and everything. Practiced in front of a mirror until your mom said it was good.

Two and one half years later, 1.7k views. Ads made you $0.27. Google made more. YDFI. You dumb fucking idiot—I can say that because I don’t live on a censored platform like you do, on YouTube. You dumb fucking idiots. Appease the internet gods.

Why, for the love of Jesus, if he exists, would you waste your time and creative energy on something, anything, and then let a mega corporation stick random ads in it for the fee cents they might pay you? Idiots. Stupid, dumb greedy idiots.

When a 30 second video starts out with a 90 minute ad, followed by the message, this video brought to you by people who think you are dumb, why would we watch? We don’t. We hang up. Your own tools and metrics show you that, so… Are you stupid? Or, just assholes? Take the ads off your dumb and stupid videos you dumb fucking c*!&s. The * is a u, ! = n, cunts. Cunts is the word there. Cunts. You dumb fucking cunts.


In the past, I have written about a guy named Greg, and I thought I should revisit the character and flesh out his backstory to give him more depth. Coincidentally, I’ve been thinking about trying out ChatGPT from OpenAI.

To be clear, I am not a fan of either Greg or artificial intelligence, whether combined or singularly. Artificial intelligence belongs in the same category as artificial meat: it’s awful in theory, but then you try it, and discover it’s worse than you expected. Nope, I was born a regressionist, and I will die a regressionist. Also, a snake handler.

Greg is the name I have given to a pervasive recurring fictional character that I sometimes include in my mental excursions. Greg is always the answer to the question, What was that guy’s name, the guy who did the thing with the stuff?

ChatGPT is browser-based demonstration application for natural language AI. You can sign in and chat with it, ask it questions, get advice on how to tell your boss he’s a dickhead, or even get it to write a blog post for you.

While ChatGPT does a neat job of understanding your questions and keeping track of the context thread of the conversation, it doesn’t take long to notice that many of its responses are based on fill in the blank templates, with a little bit of random variation thrown in to the mix so as to appear intelligent, or at the very least, nondeterministic.

AI is more artificial than intelligent, but the hypesters of the industry are regularly featured in the media warning the masses of the coming singularity that will put an end to all humanity. The trick, for the unevolved lifeforms out there in the galaxy, is to pull the power cable, and then bang some rocks together.

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