Inside Doug's Head

I am not a number, I am… What's that stuff they make glue out of? I'm that. Forever swirling, forwards and upwards, but always sticky. Sometimes, a little sad.

Some say that I am a crazy weirdo, and I am largely inclined to agree. At the very least, I have a difficult time formulating arguments to the contrary. After growing up in small town Canada, in August 2011, I relocated to Bronx, NY. Some of my technical interests include digital and computer communications, networking, control systems, signal processing, and application development for the Microsoft .NET Framework.

For those of you who concern yourself with these things, I am fully toilet trained and I have a couple of degrees as evidence:

B.Sc.  Computer Engineering, 1993, University of New Brunswick, Fredericton NB
Ph.D. Electrical Engineering, 2010, University of New Brunswick, Fredericton NB

Until August 2015, I was an Assistant Professor at Manhattan College, where I taught various courses in Computer Engineering. Firm pedagogical beliefs of mine are that students learn more by doing than by watching, and tests and exams have no place in an educational environment. With the possible exception of eating one’s own head, there is nothing more unnatural than writing an exam.

In the Fall of 2015, I moved to California, evolution’s loophole. Time will tell whether or not that was a good idea. There are a lot of hippies with orthogonal personalities that I now must endure, narrow sidewalks, and way too many cars.

If you would like to know more about how I got here, you can read this page, and if you want to know what the deal is with the dinosaurs and monkeys, you can read this one.

If you just read one of my posts and are thinking, “I don’t get it. Was there a point, or something?” the answer is, No. These are the thoughts I have in the wee hours of either the morning, or the night before it became the morning, usually after the bourbon has taken hold and everything seems like a good idea. The thoughts are not cogent, linear, or in anyway rational; they just are what they are. It is a strange place, inside Doug’s head.

Okay, so if you haven’t figure it out yet, I have a lot of mental health issues, and I am aware of that significant detail. Most of what I say is not to be trusted or speelscheckified. Unfortunately, I was raised by narcissists and low self esteem assholes who only cared about the image that I could give them. They think about things, and other people’s perceptions. My parents took in foster children because the government paid them $40 a week. They needed the money. Now, I think about how I can get as far away from them as possible, and they wonder why.

If my stories offend or confuse you, then they aren’t meant for you. They are written entirely for me. There are no ads, no promotions, no profits. No hooks or angles. Feel free to stop reading anytime, especially if you are family. I write this ridiculous shit down so I can stop constantly thinking about it. I write it down so I can sleep at night without replaying it over and over again in my head. Insanity is a lot of work to manage, and whiskey only does so much. I share these thoughts with the world because I want someone, anyone, to know: I exist, I am real, and in some small way, that I matter.

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