Inside Doug's Head

I am not a number, I am… What's that stuff they make glue out of? I'm that. Forever swirling, forwards and upwards, but always sticky. Sometimes, a little sad.

So, from the TV commercial, we are to assume that Duracell is an environmentally friendly company since their batteries are used by people at the Iowa Lakes Community College who are training to work (or, have sex with animals-we are not exactly sure which, since their specific activity is never mentioned) inside of wind turbines. Wind is good for the environment, right? It’s God’s breath, after all. Well, his breath if we’re lucky. Who wouldn’t want to extract the power from God’s breath?

Hmm. Let’s look at this message a little differently, shall we?

Serial rapists lurking in dark alleys rely on Duracell batteries in their flashlights to better stalk and rape their victims in the darkness. Duracell, the serial raping company.

No? How about another.

When the police want to electrocute defenseless homeless people, the battery they prefer to use in their tazing-device is the long-lasting Duracell copper-top. Duracell: oppressing and abusing the socially disenfranchised so you don’t have to.

Corporations can’t claim a sense of moral superiority just because the products they make happen to be used by people who occasionally do worthwhile or socially responsible things with them. Likewise, I suppose they can’t be viewed as sinister when bad people do bad things with innocuous products. Just because Billy suffocated the neighbor with a plastic bag doesn’t mean that all plastic bag making companies are evil. Does it? What about that factory that makes boards with nails in them?

I think I just unintentionally made an argument against gun control.

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