Inside Doug's Head

I am not a number, I am… What's that stuff they make glue out of? I'm that. Forever swirling, forwards and upwards, but always sticky. Sometimes, a little sad.

Or, pokey people in general. They are usually in front of me at the grocery store checkout, arguing with the cashier about the expiry date on a coupon and the prices in the weekly flyer for the items they did not get. They got something different, but the sale price should apply because of reasons. Insane, totally irrational reasons.

Obviously, the milk should be $1.00 cheaper because right there in the flyer (the cashier always has to disappear to go get one since these people never bring a copy with them) sandwich meat is $0.50 per pound less than usual. The reasoning goes something like, if you’re going to sell the slices of the cow at a reduced price, and milk is a part of the cow, then it follows that the milk should also be on sale.

Wow, you really ran rings of logic around the place with that one, except you bought goat milk and turkey, and it’s not like there is a magical product of animal husbandry out there that is half goat and half turkey. While I agree that there should be, presently there is not, and until Monsanto and Doctor Moreau come up with something awesome, we are not getting bacon, ham, and pork chops from one animal.

Finally, after all that arguing and time wasting, you managed to save yourself $0.13; good job! While I was waiting for you to complete your intense negotiations, I opened a package of tic tacs from the shelf beside me and started hucking them at you one at a time. Doing so amused me, and I was getting pretty bored watching you and your economic shenanigans.

Yeah, that was me throwing those tiny cylinders of sugar coated sugar at you. I have decided that it’s the new thing I am going to do whenever you or someone of your ilk is in front of me. Flicking tic tacs at your face, head, and shoulders is an activity I shall name, flic tac’ing. I won’t even need to use a coupon to do it. Life can be simply wonderful!


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