Inside Doug's Head

I am not a number, I am… What's that stuff they make glue out of? I'm that. Forever swirling, forwards and upwards, but always sticky. Sometimes, a little sad.

In the event of a zombie apocalypse or the incipient boogaloo, I would prefer to not be reliant on a cornucopia of prescription medications, mainly because I can’t imagine pharmacies will be filling prescriptions while widespread civil mayhem ensues following the collapse of society. Those needing them things had best stockpile in advance, or resign yourself to being among the first group of victims.

The heart attack incident of 2013 left me regularly taking a few additional drugs that I am not keen on, a beta blocker and a statin, and I am reluctant to grow the list of pharmaceuticals required to keep me alive any further. It is with this objective in mind that I have decided to give up alcohol for the next few months.

I have been informed by my cardiologist, as mentioned in recent posts, that my latest blood test results were not great (I really should have studied), and that in order to correct some of the issues that were discovered, I will need to start taking three or four new-to-me drugs.  After I did some independent research, I found that a common cause to all of these hematonumeral (a neologism) upsets was that simple little hydroxyl group that I love so much. It turns out, I was surprised to hear, whiskey is not a medically recognized blood type and was, in fact, a cause for concern. Apparently, my blood samples underwent a hypergolic reaction and spontaneously combusted when exposed to air, burning down a building at the lab facility and seriously injuring three workers. I’m not sure how I feel about that; a little sad, probably.

You know that whole stages of grief state diagram thing? Well, I went directly to bargaining: How about, I suggested to Dr. K., if I try giving up alcohol for the next three months, we redo the tests, and see if anything changes? He agreed, and thought it was a wonderful idea. There’s the revelation.

Now, here I am, nearly two weeks without any liquor. My god, life is so dull these days. For a long time I used to think that my diurnal lethargy and constant mental fog were caused by staying up all night drinking, but it turns out that I am just lazy and stupid. And, there’s the epiphany.


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