Picture this: you are walking along on a sidewalk, path, or trail, and some random person is approaching you from the opposite direction. I call them randos, randoes. Whatever; a person selected from the group of other people, many of whom you don’t know or like. In set notation, {person: people who are not you}.
You briefly make eye contact, but what do you say or do next? A little head bob? Hi? G’day, Guvnor? What if you say hello and they ignore you? You don’t want to seem like a socially dysfunctional twat, because what would the rest of the other people think. Right? I am sure they all talk to each other. Everyone you don’t know has an opinion about you and they share that opinion with everyone else, but not you. Especially not you. There’s a lot at stake in this situation. Mmmm. Steak.
The trick, I will share with you, is to shout Heil Hitler! at them before they can decide what they are going to do while waiting to see what you are going to do.
Heil Hitler! It sucks the energy for conversation and judgement right out of them. Don’t do the flappy arm salute, though. You don’t want people assuming you’re a card carrying member of the Nasty party.
Also, bonus tip, if you want to know how old someone is, cut them in half and count the rings. Wait. That’s not right. That only works for dogs.
—DG
Inside Doug's Head 