A fully loaded B-24 Liberator bomber dropping 8,000 pounds of bombs over enemy territory. My poop went down and I went up in reaction to Newton’s turd law of motion. You stunk my battleship!
Weighed myself afterwards, and nothing changed. My pants fit better, and I feel like I lost a thousand pounds, but I don’t think scales work the way we imagine they do.
There is, like, some angry little evil marketing demon for Weight Watchers in there randomly generating numbers. Scales. Love them or hate them; they are evil.
Bathroom scale evil. A new levil of evil. No, that doesn’t work. Too many letters of the L persuasion. Levels of Evil. A book about pooping. Everybody poops, except Catholics. What they expel is pure concentrated sin. It’s what makes them superior to the rest of us.
—DG
Inside Doug's Head 
As a Catholic, I can confirm the veracity of this.
Thanks for that. I have to admit, until now it was just a personal belief of mine.
your intro paragraph was all I needed today 🤣lol
It’s not exactly high brow, but I am glad it worked for you!