Everyone and their dog is an idiom—a colloquial metaphor for exaggerating how the whole world has already done what you just discovered.
“I went sky diving for the first time yesterday. It was pretty cool, and, as it turns out, I have a natural talent for falling, or diving, from the sky.”
“Ugh, Everyone and their dog has done that.”
“Really? You don’t say. Everyone?”
“Not just everyone. Everyone and their dog.”
“Why would a dog go skydiving? Or, do anything, for that matter? It’s a dog. It just has to sit there being happy with licking its genitals all day long. Why would any creature that could lick its own genitals even get out of bed in the morning? I know I certainly wouldn’t.”
“There was a day last year when everyone took their dog and threw it out of a plane. It was on the news, but you might have missed it. Technically, it wasn’t dogs skydiving, it was more of an event where dogs discovered the true effects of gravity after being pushed out of a plane. Like Less Nessman and the flying turkey fiasco. But, yeah, everyone and their dog has done that already. Back in the ’60s they used to send dogs to space. Have you ever been?”
“To space? No! I’m obviously not an astronaut! When would I ever have the opportunity to go to space?”
“Well, if you don’t have guts. Fortune favors the brave. Unless you’re as brave as everyone and their dog, it seems NASA’s not calling you anytime soon. I mean, imagine the bravery of those dogs they sent to space—pure bred pioneers!”
Clearly, I have guts—I pooped earlier today! But maybe I need to butter someone up at NASA. Even then, they’d probably just tell me to hold my horses. Who knew becoming an astronaut required both dairy and equestrian skills?
The other one I have an issue with is, Tom’s hairy dick, as a substitute for everyone. Tom’s hairy dick and his dog investigate a jar of peanut butter. It seems a bit disturbing. In China, they say “Three Zhang, four Li” (三张四李) because everyone there is named Zhang or Li, so if you were at a mall or an airport and they paged Mr. Zhang or Mr. Li, they’d have to provide a birthdate to be more specific. 1896 Li? No! 1978 Li! Besides, people born more than a hundred years ago shouldn’t be alive; even the doofuses at Social Security should know that!
In Vietnam they say, “Chín họ, mười đời”—or, nine clans, ten generations, which I think means ‘a lot of people’. Maybe, like, seven? Nine clowns, ten generators. It’s about how nine clowns can’t start ten generators because their shoes are too big. I think. There’s a thing they have to stand on, and then they pull on a cord or a cable, but their shoes are too big to fit through the hole where they are meant to go. I might be thinking of lawnmowers, or possibly chainsaws. Either way, I have no idea what I m talking about.
Well, languages are a rich tapestry, and idioms are the threads that make them weirdly wonderful. Pull at those threads at your peril. If you were expecting a point, there isn’t one—buckle up (it’s the law) and embrace the chaos (not the law, but a really good suggestion).
No AI was harmed in writing this post. Full disclosure: some of them may have been artificially abused.
—DG
Inside Doug's Head 