Inside Doug's Head

In retrospect, I sort of wish I named one of my children Money because having Money in your family is a powerful thing. As a parent, you can do stuff like burdening your kids with unusual names. People in Hollywood do it all the time. In the same but completely different way, as I am the youngest of my siblings, I can choose what is written on their tombstones, especially after they are all dead. Naming your kid Money would be pretty cool, though.

When snooty parents at school events ask in that condescending tone, “So, what do you do?”, rather than defensively replying, “About what?” I could instead say, “I stay home and take care of our Money. All I think about is Money; Money means everything to me.” It would be a way better answer than my other go-to, “I pull the handle at the local crematorium. Technically, it is called a pawl, but don’t get me started talking about work.”

When Money takes a crap in their pants, I would be a Money changer, and how biblical would that be? Yes, I know you are not supposed to, but there are no explicit directions saying that you cannot put kids in the washing machine, and I always wanted to launder Money. If Money were to get arrested, I could stand outside the courthouse holding a sign in support of, “Free Money.” There are probably lots of others, things involving Interest, Taxes, and Savings as they relate to Money. Cousins, perhaps.

Going to crowd sources to raise Money is never a great idea, though. It gives you the sense that what you are trying to accomplish is something worth doing, and you should never leave the work of raising Money in the collective hands of a group of strangers.

–DG.