Inside Doug's Head

I am not a number, I am… What's that stuff they make glue out of? I'm that. Forever swirling, forwards and upwards, but always sticky. Sometimes, a little sad.

Hitler didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, and he didn’t touch himself at night. One of those isn’t true. He did want a glass of juice, and he’d invade most of Europe to get it.

Did you know that whiskey gets its color from being aged in wooden casks? Me too! I also get my color from drinking whiskey! From woodness to goodness, whiskey is whiskey’s best friend; oh, god, how I love whiskey. Oh, whiskey! Is there anything you can’t do? Remember that time I drank a lot of whiskey and I forgot how to tell time and hold my urine? What a funny story. Whiskey makes all of your stories so much more interesting. Drink whiskey brand whiskey!*

*paid for by the whiskey council for the promotion of whiskey in everything council. And whiskey, not milk. Whiskey whiskey whiskey whiskey whiskey whiskey. Whiskey. Screw Flanders. Oh, and, whiskey makes everything you write more funny. Enjoy whiskey.

Scotch, whiskey, bourbon, rye. They are all just vodka that has spent some time in the woods.


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