It hides your ugly face. Put one on your kids, for they are ugly too. Is their father ugly? He should wear a mask, also. Your dog is fine, though. As is your baby kangaroo.
Now, if we can only figure out a way to cover up the rest of your physical grossness. Have you ever considered converting to Islam? It has a few enthusiastic supporters, and they have solutions to your problem.
Not where I thought this one was going to go when I started, but it evolved organically. Like a fart forming internally from yesterday’s cabbage rolls. Also unpleasant. I should probably stop now, before it gets weird.
—DG.
Inside Doug's Head 