Inside Doug's Head

I am not a number, I am… What's that stuff they make glue out of? I'm that. Forever swirling, forwards and upwards, but always sticky. Sometimes, a little sad.

Yeah, so, on YouTube there are these no talent wonders who want to garner fame and fortune for the works of others, so they create reaction videos. Labeling themselves as Pro, they Proceed to post copyrighted material from talented performers, with the tag line, Pro x reacts to something x. Pro drummer reacts to Karen Carpenter playing drums, using pirated footage from a 1978 live performance. Listen and watch as he mindlessly bobs his head. Ooooh! Ahhhh! He has no talent, but Karen Carpenter! Millions of views, twenty thousand up thumbs.

Lacking imagination and creativity, I figured I could do something similar. Not a literary giant myself, I figured I could critique the great works of others, often with 20-20 hindsight of current year knowledge to make myself appear smarter. Rest assured, I am still just a simple idiot, zeitgeist notwithstanding.

The first guy I want to talk to you about is Marcus Aurelius. He was a guy from a long time ago and he did some stuff, way back before the continents got weird. He even did some Roman stuff that made it into a movie, so that makes him interesting. George Clooney wearing a red robe interesting. He spends the first few chapters of Meditations on how he came to realize the importance of stoicism and self discipline, the significance of freedom of speech, and the reasons public education is for losers. Stuff that you can easily nod your way through because it’s really hard to disagree with. Then it gets soooo boring. Like, I’m dying here! Boring. Are you sure you want me to keep reading? It’s really dull. High brow, but dull.

Let’s talk about something else instead, like Marlon Brando, or how Mr. Belvedere once sat on his testicles, giving rise to the expression of Belvedering. “Ouch! My nuts!” That’s what he hollered. That’s how everyone in the room knew that he sat on his nut sack. Hey, how do you know if a girl has a sense of humor? Give her a test tickle. Really? Why would giving her an amputated gonad make her laugh? That’s just stupid. And gross.

How about we talk on subjects like whiskey, or puppies? Awwwh, look at those puppies. They don’t even know how good whiskey is, and yet you can tell they want some. Seriously, though, giving your dog alcohol is pushing two species back down on the food chain. Don’t do it.

Reaction blogs are harder than they look.


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