Inside Doug's Head

I am not a number, I am… What's that stuff they make glue out of? I'm that. Forever swirling, forwards and upwards, but always sticky. Sometimes, a little sad.

Every day, I imagine starting a company without an HR department. Those people are useless and can easily be replaced by a bulletin board, or some form of browser-based technology. I get it, the employee picnic is this weekend and please put your dishes in the laundry basket. That last part might be a misunderstanding, but the point is still valid.

Really, though, I would like to run a business that only employs perfect fit personnel. So, your resume says that you really enjoy punching people in the nose? What exactly attracted you to Punch in The Nose Now, LLC? Was it the benefits? The benefits, of say, punching people in the nose? Friends, and people you don’t know?

I don’t exactly know where I am going with this idea, other than HR sucks (obviously) and we would all be happier if we could do the work that corresponds with what we love. But, what if that which we love to do is… well, less than ideal?

What if our thing is to bring about the end of civilization? The total collapse of society? It’s a hard thing to find that job on LinkedIn. “I like coding in Rust and destroying hierarchical family values.” There are only two people I know who are qualified for that job, and I think they lied on their resume. Resumes? There’s two of them but they each have one written list of their psychopathic linkage with George Soros. Is that singular or plural? Either way, they should both be avoided, regardless of how committed they are to their “passions.”

Pudding would be great right about now. Butterscotch. It keeps me off the list.


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