Inside Doug's Head

For all your intelligence, you seem unable to know where you are wanted.

How else would you market such an awful product? Leave it on the counter overnight and in the morning it will taste just like your boyfriend’s piss. That first time you experimented. Pee on me, George, piss in my face! Like a Budweiser on a hot summer afternoon, flat, yellow, and reeking of urea!

What else can they say? Hey, it’s better than Sam Adams diarrhea. Drink Bud Lite (is it lite or light? Spell check wants it both ways.) Drink Butt Lite because explosive diarrhea limits your walking range.

It’s not like they are Mercedes, and they can compete on perceived value, product quality, and market expectations. Or, Apple, and the shirtiness of their censorship focused spellchecker.

Hey! We make a great product at a low consumer cost. Said no one ever at Anheuser Busch (zero Apple spelling suggestions). Anorexic Basketball? Really!? Similar, but not identical.

You try running Ohio water through your kidneys and selling it as beer. I think you’ll find that they did the best they could with what they had to work with. A she-she boy on a can looks pretty good at 2am in Harlem, and I just pissed on a dumpster—no, wait, that’s an ‘80s Miller commercial.


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