Inside Doug's Head

There are several reasons that corn is not a global dominant species. Some of them might surprise you. Especially #4, so be sure to watch to the end, and click the like and subscribe button to be notified of new and darkly sad content.

What am I doing? This isn’t UTube and I’m not monetized! You do whatever you want! I don’t really care! It’s probably better if you just stop reading right now. Brain damage could follow.

Here, repeat after me: Alexa, show me a Tailer Switch video. That’s better… there you go. Let the endorphins do their work.

Why corn will never take over the world. Corn has ears, but no eyes. It stalks, but has no legs. It shucks but cannot dance. Never completely honest, there is always a kernel of doubt about corn.

It is also lacking a solid plan for global political domination; however, corn knows all of the nuclear launch codes in Iowa, Nebraska, and Illinois, which is a significant threat to non corn life forms.

You should fear corn, but just a little bit. Although corn has the means, it lacks the whey. The whey comes from dairy, not corn.

Corn plus dairy equals the end of the world as we know it. I feel fine.

These are the deep and profound ideas that I contemplate and intellectually explore after I get into the whiskey. Like Nostradamus in a prophetic trance.

—DG