If you read the instructions, the advice you get is beneficial for all aspects of your life. Take these gems of wisdom for example. Really, take them. I don’t want them anymore.
- Keep out of reach of children.
Stay up high and out of sight. My kids will never find me up here on the roof.
- Avoid open flames.
Open flames are the worst kind. Closed flames are way better, but they are harder to enjoy.
- Close cover before striking.
You mean, take cover. Wait; what am I striking, exactly?
- Avoid contact with eyes.
Eye contact really stings. Especially with hammers and meat thermometers. Fingers, tree branches, bumble bees, grocery bags, urine…
- Avoid activities requiring mental alertness.
Well, that’s just common sense. Who wouldn’t avoid mentally alert requiring activities? Duh.
- Avoid excessive heat.
Keep the heat levels to the just right setting.
- Avoid prolonged exposure to sunlight.
Sage advice for vampires. Don’t run with stakes, either.
- May cause drowsiness. Alcohol intensifies this effect.
Good idea! Woo hoo! Codeine and alcohol! Now, where’s that heavy machinery I need to drive to get to my air traffic controlling job?
- Do not use if security seal is broken.
How do I get it out of the package?
- Not recommended for pregnant or nursing women.
They mean guns. I wouldn’t suggest arguing with pregnant or nursing women, either. It will just end…badly.
- Discontinue use if diarrhea or bloody stools develop.
OK, absolutely, without question. Anything that causes that to happen, I don’t need to be told to stop.
There are lots more. Keep an eye out, and stay safe. Avoid suffocation.