Inside Doug's Head

I am not a number, I am… What's that stuff they make glue out of? I'm that. Forever swirling, forwards and upwards, but always sticky. Sometimes, a little sad.

Until I came back to New York last week after nearly 2.5 years of being in California, I had pretty much forgotten these things:

  • Winter is cold
  • Ice is slippery
  • Snow requires shoveling
  • Optimum internet sucks
  • Deli sandwiches are delicious (probably where the word comes from)
  • Bill de Blasio is an idiot
  • Miracle whip is oddly expensive
  • Californian wines are cheaper when you are not in California
  • News 12 is run by college dropouts
  • Stairs, so many stairs
  • Debit or credit; it makes a difference for some reason
  • Plastic bags still exist, and they give them to you to put your stuff in
  • Dominican rum is the nectar of the gods
  • Cars that honk at you are taxis offering their services
  • Cross when you see no cars. Waiting for the light is for out of towners
  • If a train car is empty, best leave it that way
  • Anyone who stops in the middle of the sidewalk to look at their phone deserves a punch to the back of the head. Make it a thing
  • Public transit should run all night in a civilized society
  • There are eating and drinking establishments that stay open past 10pm
  • Stop signs are suggestions, or possibly interrogatives. Stop?
  • Mumbling is a language unto itself
  • People visiting from third world countries, like Canada, should stay off to the sidelines until they get the hang of things


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