Inside Doug's Head

I am not a number, I am… What's that stuff they make glue out of? I'm that. Forever swirling, forwards and upwards, but always sticky. Sometimes, a little sad.

There once was a program where they took groups of troubled teens and put them in grown-up prisons to scare them straight—not straight as in the no longer gay straight, but the straight and narrow kind of straight.

Recently, while visiting my old and decrepit parents, I took a tour of a nursing home that was rife with demented and dying elderly. Holy crap, it was scary! The experience convinced me of the positive aspects of dying before becoming insane from Alzheimer’s. We tend to take for granite all the things our brain does for us until it stops doing it properly.

There should be a program where they take a bunch of middle aged losers on the downhill slide towards a toothless and mentally vacant infirmity and put them in a nursing home for a week in order to convince them of the benefits of dying before the inevitable decay. Call it a scared euthanasia program. Just because science and medicine allow people to live longer than they should doesn’t mean we have to. Come on people, do the right thing.


Update: apparently, bed bugs are not the health concern in nursing homes that they used to be. Now the main problem is genital warts. Thanks, Viagra!

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