Inside Doug's Head

I am not a number, I am… What's that stuff they make glue out of? I'm that. Forever swirling, forwards and upwards, but always sticky. Sometimes, a little sad.

It’s a sitcom, starring Bernie Mac and his underwear. Except, his underwear is… not alive, but self aware—the opposite of Joe Biden.

The underwear is seeking revenge on Bernie Mac for all the years of abuse and indignities. At first, they play harmless pranks on him, like giving away all his money to the Foundation for Jewish Children in Lebanon, inviting a gaggle of homeless to come live with him, and posting a sandwich review in his name on Grinder. “I liked the pickles and salami, but the bread was dry.”

Eventually, though, the plots of vengeance turn darker and more sinister. They call Crime Stoppers to report that every suspect in every crime, ever, is Bernie Mac. Still unsatisfied, the underwear sets Bernie Mac up for a DUI involving an accident with a bus full of school children. The police find a spare tire and a dead hooker in the trunk of his car. Sorry, I should say, a redundant pneumatic inflatable rubber toroid and a living-impaired sex worker.

Ultimately, it’s all a clever ploy by Bernie Mac to create a life imitating art defense when these things eventually happen for real. Your, Honor, it wasn’t me. It was my underwear. Cases dismissed.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: