Bill Nye, the China spy, says that cows, pets, and children all contribute to anthropogenic greenhouse gases.
As they live, they breathe in oxygen, and exhale disappointment, pain, and sadness. So, in the interest of the environment, we should kill them all, and enjoy the ensuing eclectic barbecue.
Even better, let’s just unsubscribe from climate alarmism. At least bring it down a notch. The world isn’t ending in your lifetime. Unless you’re Methuselah, just born today and planning to live a really long time.
Too bad, I know. The poor financial decisions of the past will have to be resolved in some other way, like working, or redeeming coupons. Maybe, recycling cans. A lot of cans. That’s the problem with living like there’s no tomorrow: it’s really awkward when tomorrow finally arrives and the bills come due.
Everything a cow produces was once part of the atmosphere. They take it in, combine it with grasses and water, and turn it all into delicious, high protein steaks. Termites release more methane than cows, and they taste like crap.
Give the cows a break. Eat your homely children to save the environment. Besides, they look like your ex’s grandmother, and they make noises with their faces. Waaah, waah. That’s what they sound like.
Oh my freaking god, I love nice tits. So much. Right?
—DG
Inside Doug's Head 