Inside Doug's Head

Or the street, if you’re unfortunate enough to be in Paris these days. Roo is also the kanga from Winnie the Poo. Push with your shoulder, Xi, not your fist.

There is rue, as in, the cooked flour and butter mix used to make a bechamel sauce for delicious things that are cheese and sauce covered, like broccoli, and potatoes. Or, is that rew?

Oh, language and it’s homophones. Not the gay microphone, as Apple might suggest, but words that are confusing to the nonsensical context of the human listening ear and brain. Like, we, wee, and oui.

To rue the day, as in, “to bitterly regret that day you did the thing you did.”

Now, where was I? Oh, dear, I’ve done it again; I have gotten myself all distracted and sidetracked, and now I don’t remember where I was going with this thing. It’s like, one minute I’m just standing there acting normal, and the next thing I know, I’m twirling around the room with my arms extended, trying to see how many things I can knock onto the floor. Look! I’m spinning!

Right, okay. I was about to present my lamentations on how whenever there is a boycotting of the woke mobsters, I never feel like I can really be a part of it. Usually the item or establishment being boycotted is not my thing, so my not doing something that I am already not doing seems like a bit of a hollow contribution. What? We’re boycotting meth, now? Yeah, me too!

Although, I guess there was that one time that I took up smoking, and then gave it up a short time later, but that was an effort to try and save money, and not a boycott per se. Good Housekeeping told me that I could save thousands of dollars annually if I quit smoking, so I had to give it a try. The results were not as positive as I had hoped, so lesson learned? Unlikely.

If they were to start messing with the whiskey in a way that led to a boycott… whiskey boycotts never end well, for anyone. The day that shall be rued is the one when I see a likeness of a nude Jane Fonda wrapped in a Chinese flag embossed on the label of a bottle of Jameson. The marketing message would be unclear, but whiskey has no place in social politics.

As the incredible Hulk Hogan once said, you won’t like me when I am sober.

—DG