Please, use caution and think of the children. My children. Excuse me while I run over yours. I have places to be, and your children are homely. Ugly. Grotesque. I wrapped bacon around it and the dog still won’t play with it.
Please, use caution and think of the children. My children. Excuse me while I run over yours. I have places to be, and your children are homely. Ugly. Grotesque. I wrapped bacon around it and the dog still won’t play with it.
Rubber gloves are not just about clean toilets, dishes, hot water, and caustic oven cleaners. They are also great for vulgar crimes and getting away with murder. It’s about fingers in latex, and decided choices before the police arrive. It was an accident! He slipped and fell on the knife… twice.
As I sat waiting for my flight, a voice over the PA system regularly reminded me that smoking is not permitted in the airport. Considering that smoking in airports was banned in 1976, 47 years ago, it seems like an awfully long time to keep reminding people of something that has become the expected behavior. …
I must be afraid of the dark, because I don’t like to sleep at night. I have recurring nightmares where I am being chased by weird, homely children with plastic scissors, and I can’t run fast enough to get away. The experts say that we need eleven hours of sleep each night, and thirteen hours …
The reason there are no unicorns today is because when Al Gore built the ark to house the animals two by two to save them from global warming sea level rise, he didn’t notice they were both trans unicorns. One was a horse who identified as a unicorn, and the other was a zebra wearing …
Inside Doug's Head 