Stories about me and what made me this way.
If you think it’s easy to throw an axe and make it stick, think again. You have to be at just the right distance, with just the right spin for the blade to make right angle contact with the target and dig solidly in there. Otherwise, it just bounces helplessly to the ground.
As a practical matter, I have decided to allow my facial hair to wildly overgrow, completely covering the hole that is my mouth. It will serve the same function for me as baleen does for a whale. Yes, just as a whale uses its baleen to filter trapped krill from the ocean water, I will …
At a recent visit to the dentist for my decennial checkup, he asked me how often I flossed. “You mean that stupid kid’s dance with the flappy arm thing? Never, I never do that, ever.” Shame set in immediately, for certainly it was a lie. Sometimes I do a little floss, especially if I have …
Have you ever woken up at 4:08am with an empty bottle of whiskey in one hand, and a beard full of jam and cream cheese in the other? Not actually two hands, but two perplexing things to deal with at the same time—like a fistful of peanut butter and a swarm of enraged bees circling …
As a thematic group, I find doctors creepy and perverted. Every time I visit my doctor, she wants to look in my bum. Regardless of the purpose of the visit, she always has to check my bum. I need a prescription refill; she checks my bum. My ear is bothering me; she checks my bum. …
Inside Doug's Head 