Inside Doug's Head

Sometimes

Doug Godsoe

April 28, 2023

Every now and then I think, it would be so great to just drift off to sleep and never wake up again, like a wave landing on a beach, disappearing into the sand, or to melt away and dissolve into nothing, like an ice cube in whiskey.

And then I remember, don’t put ice in your whiskey. Good whiskey doesn’t need it. Bad whiskey doesn’t deserve it.

Mmm. Whiskey would be so great right now. Fortunately I have a bottle, and a glass. And a reason. Whiskey is the cause of, and the answer to, all of life’s problems. Just like religion.

Compare Ireland pre-whiskey to the Middle East before religion. The deterrence to rational thought is equivalent, and the subsequent induced fanaticism is comparable.

What were we talking about? Right. Bad ice. Wine and flounder, shortcakes and tuna. The inescapable sadness of existing in a deterministic universe. Pi is exactly 3.0. The hyperbola squared is equal to the lesser of two evils.

—DG

Testifying before Congress

Doug Godsoe

no comments

April 25, 2023

Why is it that liberals under oath always sound like an unprepared 4th grader reading their Social Studies reports to teachers and classmates? It’s like they are making up their mock UN opinions as they go along with their own narrative. Bart Simpson would be impressed.

I know that our country relied on coal for a very long time, and we are very grateful for so many of the workforce that powered our nation for a very long time. Maam, I want to say that president biden believes in energy independence for our country, but that would be a lie and I took an oath before testifying. In short, maize means corn. Can I get back on the school bus that brought me here? I miss my mom.

Like an inebriated toddler, never a straight and honest answer. Congress. The opposite of progress. It’s no wonder they fret over the second amendment.

—DG

Elephants

Doug Godsoe

no comments

April 24, 2023

An interesting and well established peculiarity about elephant behavior is that sometimes, while they are sleeping, elephants can tip over onto their face and begin rotating around in a circle, pushed along by their hind legs as they move together in a pseudo walking motion.

And, so…

Doug Godsoe

no comments

April 23, 2023

That thing we were talking about is not really a thing in the sense of a “life threatening situation“, but you should definitely keep your commas close and your apostrophes closer. If only the AI knew how to write creatively, rather than filling out forms pseudo-randomly.

Can you imagine what will happen when AI figures out depravity and indifference? Regardless of the situation, I don’t think it will ever sacrifiez sa vie pour moi. Now, I should let the readers digest.

Bud Light

Doug Godsoe

no comments

April 19, 2023

How else would you market such an awful product? Leave it on the counter overnight and in the morning it will taste just like your boyfriend’s piss. That first time you experimented. Pee on me, George, piss in my face! Like a Budweiser on a hot summer afternoon, flat, yellow, and reeking of urea!