Inside Doug's Head

I am not a number, I am… What's that stuff they make glue out of? I'm that. Forever swirling, forwards and upwards, but always sticky. Sometimes, a little sad.

Wow! Apple won’t even try to autocomplete Ukraine. Seriously, try typing it on your iPhone. Ukulele. Ukraine. Ukulele. Censorship exists in many forms. Horse shirt! Oll Korrect!

Back to the headline. I invaded Ukraine tonight, and I killed a lot of white Russians. Note to self: buy more Kahlúa. Get it? It’s a racist alcoholic dad joke. I crack me up.

Now, go somewhere and cry about the oligarchy patriarchs that you voted for in the last election. Fools. Stupid fools. You know who you are. Romper stomper, bomper boo, I see… a bunch of dummies who voted for Biden.

Most of them live in my neighborhood. Trump was mean! I voted for a senile geriatric to replace him. That guy will make me feel safe. He wears Depends and lectures everyone with nonsensical gibberish speeches on fictional topics.

If you give a Democrat a vote, they are going to ask for a glass of your freedom and a pile of your money. Red Dawn, the original not the awful remake, will soon become a prescient documentary. Idiots.

The Democrats took office with a booming economy, zero unemployment, 1.8% inflation, energy independence, and peace in the Middle East. In just one year they blew it all up, and started a war with Russia just to distract people from the other stuff they did. One year. Democracy is nothing better than mob rule with people promising you free ice cream on Friday in exchange for your servitude. Shame on you for voting anyone but Trump, you dumb son’s of birches. Fuchsia Apple.


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