At a recent visit to the dentist for my decennial checkup, he asked me how often I flossed. “You mean that stupid kid’s dance with the flappy arm thing? Never, I never do that, ever.” Shame set in immediately, for certainly it was a lie. Sometimes I do a little floss, especially if I have …
We should teach deaf people how to read braille so that they can become pen pals with blind people. Likewise, maybe we can teach blind people how to yell really loudly so they can “talk” to deaf people. I’m not sure that those two concepts are exactly compatible with each other. Someone sends you a …
Have you ever woken up at 4:08am with an empty bottle of whiskey in one hand, and a beard full of jam and cream cheese in the other? Not actually two hands, but two perplexing things to deal with at the same time—like a fistful of peanut butter and a swarm of enraged bees circling …
Apparently, as the stories were paraphrased to me by an illiterate wino (maybe she said widow? I wasn’t actually listening), Jesus cured the leopards, made the lame nerds cool, and defeated the high school swim team by walking to the finish line, but he never once offered to heal anyone’s hemorrhoids. Why is that? Shoulder …
He was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad. I was born lacking physical coordination and knowing that the world is F’d in the A. One of us got the better deal.
Inside Doug's Head 