Inside Doug's Head

Doctors

Doug Godsoe

December 21, 2021

As a thematic group, I find doctors creepy and perverted. Every time I visit my doctor, she wants to look in my bum. Regardless of the purpose of the visit, she always has to check my bum. I need a prescription refill; she checks my bum. My ear is bothering me; she checks my bum. It’s a little odd. It’s like she read something somewhere on the internet, and now she is under the mistaken belief that there is a lost pirate treasure hidden in there. Gold and doubloons, that sort of shiny stuff. Trust me, there is no treasure. I’ve looked, and if it were ever there, it’s gone now.

Secret Satan

Doug Godsoe

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December 15, 2021

Every Christmas, millions of people all over the world have their Christmas wishes fulfilled by anonymous gift givers. These “Secret Santas” give Jimmy his new pair of skates, even though male figure skaters are at a great risk of being molested by their coaches; and Annabelle gets the new Raggedy Ann doll, which is likely to be possessed by pure evil; and Chris receives the much deserved, though long overdue, punch in the nose, but right on the bridge so it doesn’t bleed too much. Oh, no! I guess he will have to skip wearing his unattractive nerd glasses for his graduation photo. Such is life.

Wow! So much happiness, but just like an illiterate Siri, millions of dyslexics have their Christmases ruined by a “Secret Satan.”

Freedom

Doug Godsoe

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November 29, 2021

After watching some YouseTube on HOAs, I have gained some perspective. In simple words, here is what freedom means to me:

Mary Poppins

Doug Godsoe

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November 15, 2021

Apparently, there’s a remake of the 1964 Disney classic underway, starring Idris Elba as Mary Poppins, and Tilda Swinton as Mr. Banks. There’s no word on who will be playing Bert. Dave Chappelle, maybe? The songs will be completely different, too: My fist will make the medicine go down, and Clean up your room, or I’ll beat you with a sack of potatoes. A few of my favorite things include going to the bathroom, being right all the time, and 4am tacos.

Meanwhile, Clifford, the Big Red Dog will be played by a small brown dog named, Lucy.

—DG

Georgetown, WA

Doug Godsoe

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October 8, 2021

It’s a thing here. Whiskey in a plastic ramekin, with a lid, so you don’t spill it on the way back to your hotel. The clever inventions of modern society. Thanks, COVID, for creating solutions to problems we never knew we had.

—DG