Inside Doug's Head

Works of Fiction

Doug Godsoe

July 3, 2021

Let’s face it, movie and television dramas set in a workplace environment suffer from problems of believability. Legal dramas have lawyers who run around court rooms and law libraries, frenetically pursuing investigations for righteous reasons, and fornicating with their clients—lots and lots of fornication. Police dramas have detectives running around town chasing criminals for serious crimes that they solve in 24 hours, and screwing their partners—lots and lots of screwing. Medical dramas have doctors, residents, and interns running around hospitals discovering cures for children with cancer and rare diseases, and banging their patients’ moms—lots and lots of mom banging. In dramas with evil advertising executives, their aspirant assistants sit around their living room thinking of ideas to win over the singular big client, with post-it notes—lots and lots of post-it notes.

Jokes

Doug Godsoe

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July 2, 2021

Since I am not very smart, I have a simple philosophy about telling jokes. Jokes should never be explained. Jokes are either funny, like they are intended to be, or they are not. If someone doesn’t laugh at your joke, it’s either because the joke isn’t funny, or they don’t get it. No amount of explaining will turn a joke that isn’t funny into one that is worthy of laughter; and, if someone doesn’t get the joke, they probably never will: something fundamental is missing, and explaining that a 17th century Dutch farmer is confusable with a framer of the same geographical time period due to metathesis—the interchanging of a vowel with a consonant—well, if you have to go that far, the joke is never going to be funny. Right, Dennis Miller?

Supplies

Doug Godsoe

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July 1, 2021

I went to BevMo today to pick up supplies for the J4 weekend. For some reason, the guy who takes my money, while eyeing my selection of whiskeys, asked me if I needed a case of water. Since I take my whiskey neat, the only neat thing about me, I politely declined. Then he asked me if I wanted a coffee, for the road. I again declined, because it was after 6pm and I wasn’t traveling very far. Reflecting internally as I was walking out the door, I was feeling a little judged. Hey, he’s the guy selling the stuff, he should be grateful I like to buy in volume.

When I go to the potato store, they just say, “Thanks. Have a nice day.” They never look at me and say, “That’s a lot of carbohydrates… Do you want some protein to go with that? No? You should probably put some potatoes back.”

Goddammit Greg! I told you not to take a part time job at BevMo!

—DG.

A Few Questions

Doug Godsoe

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June 30, 2021

Most afternoons, when I am feeling like both a teepee and a wigwam (i.e. two tents), I find sitting quietly in contemplation helps me to relax. Obviously, whiskey is involved, because I would never be able to sit still very long without it. While I am sitting and thinking, these are my deep thoughts.

All the Practical Stuff

Doug Godsoe

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June 29, 2021

With weak writing and lazy plots, watching the glut of failed visions on various streaming services requires a suspension of disbelief if you’re going to make it past the ten minute mark. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians seems like a masterpiece when you read the synopsis, but the execution leaves a lot on the table. For some reason, I never expect anything bad to happen in a horror movie when everyone splits up to look for a way out.