Inside Doug's Head

I am not a number, I am… What's that stuff they make glue out of? I'm that. Forever swirling, forwards and upwards, but always sticky. Sometimes, a little sad.

What if you were IBM advertising on YouTube to giant snack food companies, or global banks wanting to crunch billions of transactions against compliance controls? What if, after spending billions of dollars on marketing, you realized, YouTube viewers are none of those things? All you did was ruined your brand. Idiots. Should you get fired? Out of a cannon?

The obvious answer is a resounding yes. Idiots should always be put where they can do the least amount of damage. In the cemetery.

Holy hell, I just want to watch the flawless chicken thighs video. I am not a bank, a transportation company, a global energy company, and I have no need for anything that you offer, and I suspect millions of others feel the same way. Give me thighs or give me death. Why, for the love of God, Jesus, and Buddha are you advertising to me?

Hey, IBM, fuck the hell off and let me watch my chicken thighs video! Get your stupid unskippable ads off YouTube. Nobody cares!


If you don’t make whiskey, I don’t want to hear from you. Sleep number is next. Why waste time sleeping when you could be drinking whiskey? Astounding! Some people just don’t get it!


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