It’s 2am, the whiskey is nearly gone, and I have been posting comments on YouTube. Do you know where your children are? Ah, man, that’s a really shitty segue; even worse than the two wheeled vehicles. It’s intended as a throwback to a 1990s PSA, but here it seems like a creepy threat. After the …
When I was younger, I could hold my breath for several minutes, like four or five. Now that I am older, I can only hold my breath for about 20 seconds. Honestly, though, I could probably hold it longer if I didn’t have to stop to hurl insults at everyone and everything. —DG.
Recently—today, actually—I had to travel to Canada for reasons. It has been a while since I have been back, and I am dismayed, yet unsurprised, at how much of an oppressive totalitarian dictatorship the place has turned into since my last visit over a year ago. It has become like Disney, except without the fun. …
Can we please stop pretending that paper drinking straws are a suitable replacement for plastic? When paper gets wet, it turns soggy, which is a fact I learned in the first grade when my homework got soaked in the rain and all the paper disintegrated. Same thing happens when you put a cardboard tube in …
They live on the second floor. Not Luka, and I have not seen them before. They moved in during the quarantine, and from what I can surmise from the noise they make, they are 800 pound aliens from outer space, with eight legs, and hammers for fingers. They kill people, cut them up after midnight, …
