There’s a reason you won’t find me on Facebook anymore. I got a little tired of the backlash from making comments like, “Your baby is quite ugly. Is his father ugly?” Or, “Really? Hudson? That’s the name you’re going with? Well, I guess it’s okay for now; for fifty bucks he can have it changed …
It’s a theory about people and their pets banging, but not strictly in an inter species way. That would be weird. It could also be about the noise pots and pans make when they rattle around in the backseat of your car under the feculent blanket concealing the dead hooker you “found” on the side …
There once was a program where they took groups of troubled teens and put them in grown-up prisons to scare them straight—not straight as in the no longer gay straight, but the straight and narrow kind of straight.
It turns out that they are significantly more tolerable if you just stare passively at their jiggly boobs and wait quietly for the vitriol to end. Avoid direct eye contact at all cost. For the love of God, do not ask follow up questions. And how was your relationship with your father? It’s your nuclear …
They say hardship builds character, but I am not all that into hardship. I need to get me some more of that character stuff, though. I blame my parents for not instilling in me an appreciation of the value of follow through. Apparently, it’s all in the wrists.
