Inside Doug's Head

It is never too late to become wise.

The government warning label on the back of a bottle of whiskey is problematic. (1) Pregnant women should not drink alcoholic beverages because of the risk of birth defects, but whiskey was there when they got pregnant. Plus, I am not a woman, nor will I ever be a woman, so the warning is irrelevant to me. (2) Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems. Drive a car OR operate machinery, but not AND, as in both at the same time. So, I’m perfectly fine driving my car, and concurrently operating this electric arc furnace full of molten iron, while I’m drinking to ignore my generic health problems.

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One would be well advised to not take personal advice from random strangers on the internet, particularly in the areas of health, career, and relationships. Especially if the stranger has a book for sale on their website, or has ever done a TED Talk. The advice will always be, cancer, quit your job, abandon your spouse of 33 years, respectively.

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When he emerged from under her blue knitted dress, his beard glistened with her ecstasy. He was tired, hot, and sweaty from his purposeful labors in the late summer heat. His face reeked of ass, and he knew that now was not a good time to buy milk from Trader Joe’s. He would need to wash up, first.

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