Inside Doug's Head

It is never too late to become wise.

One would be well advised to not take personal advice from random strangers on the internet, particularly in the areas of health, career, and relationships. Especially if the stranger has a book for sale on their website, or has ever done a TED Talk. The advice will always be, cancer, quit your job, abandon your spouse of 33 years, respectively.

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When he emerged from under her blue knitted dress, his beard glistened with her ecstasy. He was tired, hot, and sweaty from his purposeful labors in the late summer heat. His face reeked of ass, and he knew that now was not a good time to buy milk from Trader Joe’s. He would need to wash up, first.

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The first thing they do is turn everyone against you. And then they come for you late at night, when no one is watching or suspecting. They mostly come at night. It’s for your own good, they say. Come with us quietly; no need to wake the neighbors. Spell check says nothing is happening. Autocorrect is fine. Go back to sleep. Little heads with big black eyes. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Mmm. You had me at whiskey.

—DG

TLDR: you should learn to read, you stupid, ignorant goof. It’s a great story. What have you got against written words? Read, and form your own opinion. Just because you dropped out of ninth grade doesn’t automatically make you a senator. Read, you dumb, illiterate idiot. CNN isn’t going to explain it to you. Also, I hate idiots.

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