The reason there are no unicorns today is because when Al Gore built the ark to house the animals two by two to save them from global warming sea level rise, he didn’t notice they were both trans unicorns. One was a horse who identified as a unicorn, and the other was a zebra wearing unicorn makeup. Their uni-horns were plastic, although one of them was saving up to pay for the surgery to make it permanent.
Continue readingA fully loaded B-24 Liberator bomber dropping 8,000 pounds of bombs over enemy territory. My poop went down and I went up in reaction to Newton’s turd law of motion. You stunk my battleship!
Continue readingWhen I was in high school, I had an English teacher named, Joyce, first name, Mrs. Every day for the 50 minute duration of class, she would drone on and on about the dark societies of Dostoevsky, Saljinizin, Orwell, and that guy who died in the Nazi concentration camps for saying everyone was stupid, Dietrich “Detroit” Bonhoeffer.
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The government warning label on the back of a bottle of whiskey is problematic. (1) Pregnant women should not drink alcoholic beverages because of the risk of birth defects, but whiskey was there when they got pregnant. Plus, I am not a woman, nor will I ever be a woman, so the warning is irrelevant to me. (2) Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems. Drive a car OR operate machinery, but not AND, as in both at the same time. So, I’m perfectly fine driving my car, and concurrently operating this electric arc furnace full of molten iron, while I’m drinking to ignore my generic health problems.
Continue readingIt is a serene and quiet October morning in Sunnyvale, California. The sky is blue and sunny, the temperature, a comfortable 72 degrees Fahrenheit. The only sounds that can be heard are from birds flitting and chirping, and the nearby water fountain, which provides a pleasant, mellow background effect.
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Inside Doug's Head 