Imagine you have the hiccups. Probably from drinking. One every two seconds. Hiccup. Hiccup. There’s nothing you can do about it. Holding your breath. Sugar under your tongue. Slow breathing while staring at a Pamela Anderson Playboy centerfold. Hiccup. Hiccup. Hiccup. 1989. Hiccup. I still have a copy. Hiccup. Hiccup. In a box… hiccup… in my closet. Hiccup. Back when she was still… hiccup… hot. Not cringe.
Continue readingThere are several reasons that corn is not a global dominant species. Some of them might surprise you. Especially #4, so be sure to watch to the end, and click the like and subscribe button to be notified of new and darkly sad content.
Continue readingSo here’s the thing I discovered that you can press the little microphone button down by the keyboard and somewhere some geniuses or something call listen to what it is that you’re saying, and they will type it in as if you actually looked at all the letters and said yeah that’s what I want I am not exactly sure if they’ll get the story right they are Cray the internation read the… Prayed… Or even a Commerce;‘ now that I think about it all of these things are cool, but what if they’re not raise what if it’s something that’s dictated but not read wow what is your drinking really hard really hard higher than gods and demons could possibly imagine because you’re sad and miserable Life’s not exactly going the way that you wanted it to go these words do you need to go back over and add? No that’s not what I meant. Nope that’s it, no, not that Neruda DEF definitely not that that is that I’ll work I don’t know. Let me know in the morning.
Continue readingNot to reveal any secret weaknesses of mine, but water is my kryptonite. Dry ice is fine, but I really don’t like wet water.
Continue readingIf the police arrest you for the suspicion of committing a crime, and they tell you that you have the right to remain silent, shouldn’t they be equally prevented from arguing or verbally escalating the conversation with you?
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Inside Doug's Head 