Apparently, as the stories were paraphrased to me by an illiterate wino (maybe she said widow? I wasn’t actually listening), Jesus cured the leopards, made the lame nerds cool, and defeated the high school swim team by walking to the finish line, but he never once offered to heal anyone’s hemorrhoids. Why is that? Shoulder shrug emoji.
Continue readingHe was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad. I was born lacking physical coordination and knowing that the world is F’d in the A. One of us got the better deal.
—DG
As a thematic group, I find doctors creepy and perverted. Every time I visit my doctor, she wants to look in my bum. Regardless of the purpose of the visit, she always has to check my bum. I need a prescription refill; she checks my bum. My ear is bothering me; she checks my bum. It’s a little odd. It’s like she read something somewhere on the internet, and now she is under the mistaken belief that there is a lost pirate treasure hidden in there. Gold and doubloons, that sort of shiny stuff. Trust me, there is no treasure. I’ve looked, and if it were ever there, it’s gone now.
Continue readingEvery Christmas, millions of people all over the world have their Christmas wishes fulfilled by anonymous gift givers. These “Secret Santas” give Jimmy his new pair of skates, even though male figure skaters are at a great risk of being molested by their coaches; and Annabelle gets the new Raggedy Ann doll, which is likely to be possessed by pure evil; and Chris receives the much deserved, though long overdue, punch in the nose, but right on the bridge so it doesn’t bleed too much. Oh, no! I guess he will have to skip wearing his unattractive nerd glasses for his graduation photo. Such is life.
Wow! So much happiness, but just like an illiterate Siri, millions of dyslexics have their Christmases ruined by a “Secret Satan.”
Continue readingAfter watching some YouseTube on HOAs, I have gained some perspective. In simple words, here is what freedom means to me:
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Inside Doug's Head 