Inside Doug's Head

Hitler’s Bum Juice

Doug Godsoe

September 4, 2019

According to the keepers of such information and other fun facts, every breath you take contains a tiny piece, in the form of dust, of every person who ever lived. Ow, I just got a piece of Elvis in my eye!

Well, I submit to you that every hot tub, spa, and pool in every resort, hotel, and apartment complex contains a little bit of bum juice from every person who ever wetted their crusty fiddly bits in them. Even Hitler’s. Yes, that’s right, you just waded into a pool tainted with juice from Hitler’s taint.

—DG

28 Days Later

Doug Godsoe

no comments

September 1, 2019

It has been four weeks since I decided to give up drinking, and boy, am I thirsty! Seriously, though, I would like to say that my mind has never been sharper, and I have lost a ton of belly blubber simply by cutting out the copious amounts of alcohol that once gave my life meaning. Of course, it’s a lie; I am just as stupid and still fat, and the cumulative 23 year hangover is practically killing me. The lack of alcohol makes me even more surly, and I am now uncomfortably aware of how many aimless, shiftless zombies there are in California. They all buy their organic grass fed brains at Trader Joe’s.

Canadian Healthcare

Doug Godsoe

1 comment

August 22, 2019

True story, this. My mother in law lives in Canada, and she is demented. Some might say that she suffers from dementia, but to be clear, she has dementia and it is everyone around her who does the suffering. She lives in a home with other old people, some of whom have dementia and others have different issues. Whatever the situation, they are all biding their time, waiting for the inevitable.

Revelations on an Epiphany

Doug Godsoe

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August 16, 2019

In the event of a zombie apocalypse or the incipient boogaloo, I would prefer to not be reliant on a cornucopia of prescription medications, mainly because I can’t imagine pharmacies will be filling prescriptions while widespread civil mayhem ensues following the collapse of society. Those needing them things had best stockpile in advance, or resign yourself to being among the first group of victims.

Bad Dreams

Doug Godsoe

no comments

August 3, 2019

One morning a few days ago, as I was waking up but still sleeping and stuck in a dream, I dreamed that I was watching a group of vintage old timey people play croquet on a large grass field.