So, I am in New York this week to visit with my cardiologist. The appointment on Monday went well until we got to the part about liver enzymes and A1C numbers. Doctors have opinions on the daily limits of alcohol that people should consume, and these opinions do not converge with my own. He raised his eyebrows at me when I told him that I know I am supposed to drink two bottles of red wine a day, but sometimes I just can’t get that second bottle in.
Have you ever noticed that the people who talk the loudest have the least important things to say? You know, those people having the conversation at the restaurant or diner, or in the parking lot outside your window, who sound as if they are yelling at each other, but they are really talking about the meaning of the presence of corn in their bowel movements, and other similarly heady topics. You know, those people? Continue reading
At the event of his 80th birthday, George Burns (this happened after he was God, but before he died) declared that he felt the same at 80 as he did when he was 17, which tells us what a pathetic 17 year old he was, and then everyone in the audience laughed; it was back when jokes were funny and comedians focused on making people laugh.
After pondering and ruminating about the universe for a considerable amount of time, and waking up on my living room floor for the third time this week, I have come to the conclusion that I really need to do something better with my life. Or, maybe my life needs to do something better with me. Either way, one of us is letting the other down, and it needs to stop.
Whenever friends or family are leaving after visiting me, I always say to them, “drive careful.” I know it should be, drive carefully, but I like the casual informality the grammatical irregularity creates—be careful. Still, I wonder if as they are driving home, they ever think to themselves, “I could recklessly run that yellow light and arrive 20 seconds sooner, but I promised Doug that I would drive careful.” And then they stop, just as a concrete truck plows through the intersection. Certain death averted.
