Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about time travel. If I were to invent only one thing in my lifetime, I want that one thing to be a time traveling machine. Unfortunately, I already know I don’t invent one, because the first thing I would do with it would be to go back in time and tell myself how I invented time travel. Non causality sucks the surprise out of things like that.
Babies are so stupid they poop in their pants. They don’t even try to make it to a toilet, they just sit there and poop themselves. Then they cry that they pooped themselves and expect an adult to clean them up. If you were to release 60,000 babies into a corn field, you could come back 28 days later and they would not have picked even a single cob; not one! They aren’t even good for farm labor. Stupid babies. Children of the Corn wasn’t a documentary, I guess.
—DG.
Who, what, when, where, and why? Wine, whiskey, www, Wally, and whiskey. There’s one more. Wait. That’s it, wait! Wait for way more whiskey! I stand corrected. What are you looking at? Nose face! FYI, lesbians hate it when you smell their faces. You know, because of reasons.
—DG.
Maybe it’s an oversight on the part of the Internet police, but I don’t think anyone is paying attention to the comments on YouTubers videos. They should be censored, but they are not. So, if you make a controversial video, it will be removed, but if you make a controversial comment on a banal video, all is well in the universe. It’s a new hobby of mine; look for me there.
—DG.
Ok, so I just realized that whiskey is not a hydrator. Drinking whiskey while working out makes you even more thirsty. The time passes quickly, but you tend to get rather parched and in need of a nap. You know, in case you were thinking of taking a bottle of Jameson with you to the gym. Like I did. By “accident.”
—DG.
