Inside Doug's Head

Facebook

Doug Godsoe

November 5, 2018

There’s a reason you won’t find me on Facebook anymore. I got a little tired of the backlash from making comments like, “Your baby is quite ugly. Is his father ugly?” Or, “Really? Hudson? That’s the name you’re going with? Well, I guess it’s okay for now; for fifty bucks he can have it changed when he is old enough to realize his parents were drug addled idiots.” “Are you certain you’re the father? She seems, brighter and more socially aware than you are, and yesterday she was inside her mother, so I can’t imagine where that insight and experience could come from.” “He looks really stupid… Are you sure he wasn’t born a Democrat?”

Yeah, so I had to quit Facebook. Also, #yourbabyisdumbandugly.

—DG.

The Big Banging Theory

Doug Godsoe

no comments

October 23, 2018

It’s a theory about people and their pets banging, but not strictly in an inter species way. That would be weird. It could also be about the noise pots and pans make when they rattle around in the backseat of your car under the feculent blanket concealing the dead hooker you “found” on the side of the road. It’s not a complete theory, but it is a necessary one if you have the misfortune of getting stopped by the local constabulary.

—DG.

Scared Euthanasia

Doug Godsoe

no comments

October 15, 2018

There once was a program where they took groups of troubled teens and put them in grown-up prisons to scare them straight—not straight as in the no longer gay straight, but the straight and narrow kind of straight.

Feminists

Doug Godsoe

no comments

October 7, 2018

It turns out that they are significantly more tolerable if you just stare passively at their jiggly boobs and wait quietly for the vitriol to end. Avoid direct eye contact at all cost. For the love of God, do not ask follow up questions. And how was your relationship with your father? It’s your nuclear winter, Dude.

—DG.

Character Building

Doug Godsoe

no comments

October 6, 2018

They say hardship builds character, but I am not all that into hardship. I need to get me some more of that character stuff, though. I blame my parents for not instilling in me an appreciation of the value of follow through. Apparently, it’s all in the wrists.