Lawyers, along with their lesser familiars from HR, people who could easily be replaced by a bulletin board or a mediocre intranet application, can readily suck all of the joy out of living life on the edge. Water parks, ski slopes, ice covered stairs, lawn darts, pull-tab beer cans, gold fish with laser guns, and grizzly bears riding unicycles through shopping malls are all victims, in one way or another, of the fun eschewing freedom hating goals of lawyers everywhere.
What would James Bond do? It’s a question I ponder in my brain whenever I find myself in an awkward social situation and I would prefer my outward response be a measured, nuanced display of wit and sophistication. Unfortunately, as a social role model, James Bond’s depth is somewhat limited. He would either kill something, rape it until it dies, or make a lewd quip or sexual innuendo, which I believe is an Italian brand of suppository, about killing it and then raping it. “I thought Christmas only comes once a year,” is what he said while he was molestering Santa Clause. Santa thanked him for the milkshake and the ride home, afterwards.
Oh, why did I come out for drinks tonight?
Until I came back to New York last week after nearly 2.5 years of being in California, I had pretty much forgotten these things:
He probably didn’t.
Inside Doug's Head 