Inside Doug's Head

Recent personal events have me thinking about stuff, like how many witches were burned to death during the Salem Witch trials of 1962? None. It was in 1692, dummy. Okay, how many witches were burned to death in Salem in 1692? The smartasses in the room smugly state that they were all hanged. The actual right answer, though, is that no witches were executed because there is no such thing as witches, idiot. Nineteen mostly innocent people were hanged, probably to death, by their virtuous neigbors for the crime of using the wrong pronoun when addressing Mrs. Primm in public. Sarah Good and Sarah Osborne—same first name, no relation—were accused by Elizabeth Hubbard of openly mocking Reverend Parris, saying of him that he is “a misshapen dwarf, retarded in both stature and perspicacity.” One guy, Giles Corey, was pressed to death for refusing to enter a plea of guilty or not. He said, that in his opinion, the whole thing was politically motivated, a made up Instant Pot of excrement and lies. He was definitely on to something.