Did you know that there are naked yoga videos on YouTube? Neither did I, until someone pointed it out to me while complaining that it was a thing. Won’t someone please think of the children! The admonishments of Sarah Lovejoy aside, what is the first thing you are going to do after being filled with the knowledge that naked yoga is a thing? Yeah, me too!
Continue readingThat is a difficult title to write. The two meees. No, really, what is the plural of me?As in the two people who I am, not two moose. The singular dichotomy of me. Me, as if I were two distinct people. One with a brain, and the other, differently enabled.
Continue readingIt hides your ugly face. Put one on your kids, for they are ugly too. Is their father ugly? He should wear a mask, also. Your dog is fine, though. As is your baby kangaroo.
Now, if we can only figure out a way to cover up the rest of your physical grossness. Have you ever considered converting to Islam? It has a few enthusiastic supporters, and they have solutions to your problem.
Not where I thought this one was going to go when I started, but it evolved organically. Like a fart forming internally from yesterday’s cabbage rolls. Also unpleasant. I should probably stop now, before it gets weird.
—DG.
It astounds me that people believe billionaires are not screwing with us. Socially, politically, economically. That’s just a conspiracy theory, they retort. I don’t believe any of that.
Continue readingEarnest Hemingway, that’s the guy. I can never remember his name, so I thought I would write it down here so I can look it up easily when I need it. When I am at social events, I often get mid-anecdote, especially when I have been drinking, like I do whenever air is mostly nitrogen, and I get to that part in the story where simile and metaphor collide, the part where I say, “You know, like that guy, the writer guy, you know, the one who wrote those books about war and fishing stuff and then ate a shotgun in his garage because of Sandra Bullock.” And there’s a pause, because no one can remember what happened yesterday. What was his name?
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Inside Doug's Head 