Inside Doug's Head

It is never too late to become wise.

When I first heard of a place in California named Santa Cruz, I really thought people were talking about a Christmas event on a boat on the ocean, or possibly on a river, a lake, or an estuary. It turns out that it isn’t a littoral Santa Cruise, a cruise where you sit on Santa’s knee and tell him what you want for Christmas, but rather it’s a place where seafood and ambition go to die.

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Just like their poultry and beef counterparts, they are grass fed, and raised without antibiotics or hormones. Raised in the wild without supervision, these scrawny, underweight humans suffer from numerous curable conditions, but it is a small price to pay for the privilege of remaining vaccination-free. The ADHD variety are force fed a diet of Ritalin and Adderall, ensuring that they remain plump and lazy, and always physically underdeveloped. These kids taste some good. Fried or barbecued, try one today.

–DG.

Lawyers, along with their lesser familiars from HR, people who could easily be replaced by a bulletin board or a mediocre intranet application, can readily suck all of the joy out of living life on the edge. Water parks, ski slopes, ice covered stairs, lawn darts, pull-tab beer cans, gold fish with laser guns, and grizzly bears riding unicycles through shopping malls are all victims, in one way or another, of the fun eschewing freedom hating goals of lawyers everywhere.

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